To all the singles out there reading this, I know the many thoughts, feelings, and struggles you've experienced. Believe me, I know it's hard sometimes so I want you to know I got your back! If you try to tell me it's not a struggle sometimes because "you're dating Jesus" or some other mumbo jumbo, I won't believe you. I was single until I was 30 years old, and I have lots of older friends that are single, and every.single.one of us has been lonely a time or two. I know you're out there because every time I write a practical piece for singles and show vulnerability about my struggles when I was single, you always let me know I'm wrong or that I'm not relying on Jesus. So for the singles out there who do feel the emotions, don't listen to those who don't empathize; these feelings are normal and we can work with that!
With that being said, it doesn't mean your single years have to be lonely or boring. It will be much more satisfying and healthy to enjoy these years! Something married people use to tell me when I was single was to enjoy the season because some things you can't have back. I use to internally roll my eyes because that was easy for them to say--they were married! But now that I'm married, I can say the same ol' cliche they did to you because it's true! There are things i miss about being single: you can do whatever you want, whenever you want; you can travel and explore without having to run it by anyone; late nights spent hanging out with a bunch of your friends over shared laughs; spending your money however you want [like on clothes!]. The list could go on!
Your single years should be enjoyed! Spend them well with friends, traveling, yourself, but most importantly, God. This is vital to living your best single season.
If there was one passage that was particularly encouraging and beneficial during my single years it was John 15:1-17.
- Jesus is the vine. First and foremost stay connected to Jesus. He is your source for life, love, provision, and fruitfulness. Apart from him, life is shooting in the dark, grasping for straws, and ending up separated from the best relationship you could ever have.
- Fulfillment comes from Jesus. If you're looking for something--to perhaps fill a void or longing within you--you won't find it in that in a person. You'll only fill that ache by embracing a relationship with God. Abide in Jesus and he'll abide in you.
- God is glorified in your commitment to Him. When people see you living for Him and putting Him first, they take notice. In your answered prayers and strengthening in the struggle, He is glorified. Use the opportunity you have NOW to make His name known.
- God loves you. He loves you so much that He died for you. That shouldn't be taken lightly but should be embraced. Abide in His love; hold it close to your heart and allow that be the love that trumps all loves.
- Love Him, then others. John 15 talks about loving God first and foremost but then goes into this encouragement to love others. In fact, the best way you can love someone else is to first love God and abide in His love for you.
Before the pursuit of loving others, first, you must proclaim your commitment to love God. Let that love be your end all; the reason you get up in the mornings and live your day. If you can do this, not only will you be able to love others better but you'll remain fulfilled when relationships with others don't work out.
Love God and abide in Him. Make lots of friends and enjoy being single! Travel as much as you can--that's one thing I would have done more.
The only real regret I have from my season of singleness is that after I was in a serious relationship and it ended, when going back into the single life, I didn't trust God to the full length I should have. As a result, when things got hard I turned to the world for a short period of time and that's a time I can't take back.
Don't have regrets because you partied too much, slept with people you shouldn't have, and/or lived for anything or anyone but God. Make the most of your now; make singleness look attractive!
[To read more about my single journey and some of the struggles I faced along the way, check out this 3-part series I did for Single Christianity Magazine!]
- The Tug-of-War of Singleness - Part 1
- The Tug-of-War of Singleness - Part 2
- The Tug-of-War of Singleness - Part 3
Something I thought would be fun to do is share a slideshow of me enjoying these various stages of life! Here are some of my favorite moments as a single gal...enjoy :)