Monday Care for the Mama's Heart // Discovering Your Identity Within Motherhood

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I was sitting in the rocking chair with him, gently swaying back and forth in the dimly light nursery. It had been a particularly difficult day with my teething and mental leap experiencing little fella. As I leaned into the exhaustion, soothing him to sleep, I started thinking about my identity.

For a long time I had my identity figured out--or at least, somewhat figured out. Trouble was, it was wrapped up in what I did. Pastor, writer, wife, friend, and so on. I guess I thought when I became a mom that mother would be added to that without a hiccup.

But somewhere since becoming a mama and that night, I lost clarity. Before, it was easier to direct my passion to the few things I was really focused on in life and it all balanced pretty well. But when I became a mom, I was more divided in trying to give my all in so many different areas. With my struggle in balancing plates I also struggled to find my identity.

That day, filled with bottle feedings, dirty diapers, and calming my son, I felt lost in it all. Who was I? As I sat there in my son's nursery, I no longer felt sure about the answer to that question.

Do you ever feel that way? Feel lost in all the things you are doing so you wonder who you really are in the midst of all the things? Yeah, me too. I was, at that time, a working mom and had lots of things going on in my life. But none of them seemed enough to solidify my identity anymore. Now that I'm a stay at home mom/writer, it's never been more important to be sure of who I am than now.

Where we get lost in our identity journey is that we often believe that what we do makes us who we are. Although what we do is so very important, it does not define who we are. This is found solely in what God says in His word.

God says that you are His child, chosen and set apart. His word says that you are valuable and called to be a carrier of the light. 

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
— 1 Peter 2:9
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.
— 1 John 3:1a

Open up the Bible and you'll find pages filled with how God sees you. You could google "Bible verses on identity" and get scores of resources that list out what God's Word says about your value and worth and purpose. 

To wrestle with your identity, particularly as a mom, is to chew on what Scripture says about who you are. Remember, it's not in what you do but who you belong to. And you are His! If you can settle into that definition of identity, then you'll find contentment in who you are that transcends labels and roles.

Your identity as a mom looks like this: you are...

  • valuable
  • precious
  • chosen
  • loved
  • a nurterer
  • beautiful
  • full of purpose
  • a witness and carrier of light
  • a disciple
  • His daughter
  • and doing the most important job in the world!

Honestly, the list could go on. What I would encourage you to do is find a verse that particularly speaks to your heart about who you are in Christ and keep it somewhere you will see everyday. Let it be a daily reminder to you that in the midst of all the things you are doing or labels you might carry, you are first and foremost a child of God and what He thinks about you supersedes everything else.

Now, maybe you are looking for things you can put your hands to in addition to being a mom so that you can be using your gifts and passions to help others. Of course that's a wonderful thing! We all have our part to play within the Body and if one part suffers or isn't doing what it's created to do, the whole Body feels it.

If this is you--looking for ways to contribute to the Body--take Galatians 6:4-5 to heart:

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

Sink yourself into being a mom and a wife. Invest into what you're passionate about. Do your creative best with what you have been entrusted with and share who you are (not what you do) with the world!